A New Beginning

Everything is finally coming together and I am almost ready for the expedition to begin.  I am getting all my ducks in a row and I will be packing the Element tomorrow. We had wind and big thunderstorms this afternoon and then rain throughout the evening. It put a damper on loading up today. I have a few details to take care tomorrow and packing and securing everything for the highway will take some time. I am exhausted beyond words. I can't wait to spend the night in the Element! I have work to do getting this blog together and videos to edit. Now I will have time to write. I can be a nomad, live the gypsy life that is in my blood. I can explore and have adventures.

Finally!

I am done with the house and packing. Done with that life that I didn't want anymore. Done with all that was so physically, mentally and emotionally hard. Done with being involved with people. Done with the frustrating crazy making.

I am free. I can see my son soon.

I love thinking of the Element. The build and the packing. Getting all my things together. I have not had to purchase much, as I have a lot of camping things already. I can jettison things along the way and pick up things if I need them. It will evolve from what it is today. That is exciting to me. Fine tune it for my needs as I see fit. My needs. Finally I can be free and work on my writing and music. Life is too short. I raised a wonderful son. I have no obligations to anyone.
What a feeling. What a great feeling. I only wish I was able to release my self sooner, from the clutches of  the home owner obligations I put myself in  years ago with out thinking it through.
Live and learn.  Man, it was tough to get free.  But I did it!

As I was packing,  over the past 2  months, I was keeping an eye out for items I would need for the E build out. I knew that years ago, Kevin had left a black curtain here at the house. I wanted to use it for privacy in the E.  I couldn't find it last year for the adventure to The Great Sand Dunes in Colorado. hummm. I was thinking that it would show up eventually.

For the past 2 1/2  months I have packed and sorted 30 years of our things and the curtain still did not surface. Tonight, the day before launch, while re- packing my packs It surfaced!  A few days ago, I was franticly cramming things in my packs and duffel as I wanted to get out of here ASAP and I felt it was taking way too long to finish up moving my life to the storage unit. I have not been eating much and wearing my self down with the heavy lifting. I need to be on the road.

I found the curtain in the bottom of the tall clean laundry bin that we used for over flow. I had sewn a fabric liner for 6 years ago. It sits by the dryer.  I had already dug around in there, weeks ago, to see if there was anything of mine stashed in there that I wanted.  Along with the curtain was the old tartan flannel sheet.

Into the washer they went, for the last load of laundry at this place. I have lived here in a crazy making chaos for the past 8 years. I tried so hard to make order and normalcy.   I realized that neither my partner nor anyone in my partners family cared to be honest, giving and kind. That avoidance, depression and selfishness was their normal. That secrets and lies were expected to be viewed as fine and normal. That no one cared to have a clean tidy home. I stopped fighting the filth, kept it at a dull roar, as I am not the maid. I gave up trying to teach my partner about compromise and empathy, about  honesty and happiness. About how to be the best partner, to have a life of true love that lasts forever through thick and thin. He wouldn't try to grow and look inside and right his wrongs. He didn't  know how and wouldn't learn. He was dishonest and that would not fly with me. It was like he didn't understand why I was making a fuss about the lies. Duh. I gave him many chances, forgave him many times, asked repeatedly to get professional help,  to be upright and honest.  He lost the best lady in the world.
I am so ready to leave. Onto new adventures! I have been ready for a major life change for years. After the long illness I suffered and my health improved, I set about plans to live my life to the fullest on my terms.


Now I can get back to my own.

And Away I Go!